Tuesday, July 18, 2006

They Used My Iron For the Stone.

I recently celebrated a year in my condo. One of its selling points was its hardwood floors. I really enjoy having them. With all of my oil painting and clumsiness, they've been invaluable as the splattered and spilled paint cleans up easily. Now, I didn't receive a hardwood floor manual when I moved in. Maintenance and care seemed simple. And they are.


I had some dried goop on the floor. I usually cleaned this stuff up with wood floor cleaner bequeathed to me by the previous owners. But being in a hurry, I grabbed the closest suitable spray.


I realized that I had made a mistake immediately following application when I received a knock on my door. I opened it to find the Olympic curling team standing there.

For you see, when you spray Pledge on a hardwood floor, it creates a spot so slippery that sheer contact will send you sliding off the face of the earth and into infinity. It's like a tube of KY and can of WD-40 had sex and left a wet spot. I have foolishly created the slickest place on earth.

Part of the problem is that the affected area is small so it's easy to forget. I take normal strides while walking in the condo and upon hitting that spot I almost always lose my balance. It is the virtual banana peel of death. For my own safety, I may need to cordon off the area with police tape.

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