Saturday, January 26, 2008

Wind Chime Cacophony Conclusion.

The neighbor with the horrific wind chimes finally took them down.

It's quite possible that the owner realized how chaotically noisy they were and showing some semblance of human decency, decided to remove them.


It's also possible that a certain someone hired a ninja to silently scale the wall to the three story balcony and cut down the offending chimes with a ninja sword. The ninja then wrapped the chimes in eight layers of fleece blankets but this barely quieted them -- only slightly dampening their outrageous noise. The ninja escorted the chimes north to an Oakland dock where he in turn paid the captain of an oil tanker to take the smothered chimes onto the ship. The captain steered the massive vessel out through the San Francisco Bay waters and into the open ocean. He encased the wind chime bundle with thick chains and heavy concrete blocks. He then threw the bundle over the side of the ship once it hovered above the Marianas Trench -- the deepest place on earth.

But there is still cause for concern. The satan-spawn chimes were replaced with a glass ball suspended by a red ribbon. While it's too far away to note details, it appears that the scene inside the sphere is seasonal in nature -- i.e. Christmas-like. I am concerned that once the cold weather passes, it will be replaced by another hanging structure. But what-o'-what will it be? A mobile of stray barking dogs suspended in harnesses? A wire cage filled with crazed roosters? Perhaps a series of loaded handguns with the strings wrapped around their triggers? A strong breeze could launch bullets randomly through the air.

Ah, the fun inherent in the urban scene. But for now, I can rest in relative windy silence.

No comments: