Superpower.

Let me preface this by saying that I will use it for good and not evil.

Most likely.

You see, I recently discovered that I have a superpower.

Granted, I’m still learning how to harness, control, and focus it. But once I do, I will be like Tara Reid at an open bar.

Unstoppable.

In the past three months I’ve realized that whenever I get out of a car and close the door, I get shocked by a strong electro static discharge. This phenomenon happens in all cars and extends across state boundaries. Do you know what this implies? Do you understand the magnitude? The potential?

It means that my body is generating a powerful electrical current, capable of controlling cities and altering history.

Either that, or I need to use more fabric softener.